Band score: approximately 5.0
The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows how people travelled to work in 1996 and 2001.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
As can we [‘be’] seen on [‘in’] this chart, there is [‘was’ (it’s in the past)] a dramatic increased of people [‘increase in the percentage of people’] who used car or truck [either ‘cars or trucks’ or ‘a car or a truck’] in compare [‘comparison’] to other kind [‘kinds’] of transport on [‘in’] both years with almost 70% on 2001 and just below 60% in 1996. With [delete this] the other type [‘types’] of transport there [delete this] were far behind of [‘with’] less than 15% on [‘in’] the same years.
People who based their job at home and rides [‘or rode’] bicycle [‘a bicycle’] in 2001 for [‘to work, not for it’] work are [‘were’] slightly higher in compare [‘comparison’] to other periods and all other type [‘types’] of transport are dominated by 1996 period [this isn’t clear – how did it ‘dominate’ the year?]. Personnel [a good attempt at avoiding repetition, but this means that all of the people were employees, which is not given in the graph – they could be self-employed] who are using [‘used’] there [‘their’] own car in 1996 are up by [‘increased by’] more than 10% in compare [‘compared’] to approximately 5%. With [‘in’] the same year the number of people who walked, public transport user [‘used public transport’] and [‘or’] other way [‘ways’] of transport are [‘were’] higher compared to other [‘the other’] year.
(134 words)
Comments:
This report is too short for the requirements of the task, and there is no clear academic structure (no introduction, no ending statement and no ‘overall’ description).
Although some sentences are quite long, they are not clear and often lose meaning. It would be better to write shorter, clearer sentences divided into paragraphs.
As the graph has two past dates, the tenses used should be the past forms, but the writer uses a mix of past and present forms.