…and a bad example


Now we will look at the second response to the questions from the previous exercise. Read the answer, then see why it is a bad example.


Question:

You lost your wallet which contained a great deal of money and it was found by your friend who posted it back to you.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:

  • Express gratitude for their returning of the wallet
  • Talk about how the return of the wallet has helped you
  • Offer to do something for them in return

Response:

Dear Craig,

I am writing to you regarding the recent return of my wallet. It came as a great surprise to me as I had not anticipated its recovery. I would like to convey my sincere thanks for your assistance with making this a possibility.

I had been looking in various locations in order to recover my lost wallet. I searched throughout my home and also at my workplace. I had assumed it was permanently lost. I was extremely relieved when I found the item had been delivered in the post.

I would very much like to express my gratitude by inviting you to dinner at a location of your choice. Please contact me and confirm whether this proposal would be of interest to you. I will then make appropriate arrangements. I am available any weekend in the coming month.

Once again I offer my thanks and I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely

Derek



Comments:

The response does not cover all aspects of the question:

  • Express gratitude for their returning of the wallet – my sincere thanks for your assistance with making this a possibility.
  • Talk about how the return of the wallet has helped you  – THIS ASPECT IS NOT COVERED IN THE RESPONSE
  • Offer to do something for them in return – inviting you to dinner

The register used is not appropriate – it is far too formal for a letter to a friend:

  • I am writing to you regarding – I am writing to you about
  • I would like to convey my sincere thanks – I just wanted to say thanks!
  • confirm whether this proposal would be of interest to you – let me know if you’re keen

The grammar is limited and sentences are short:

Most sentences are overly short and could have been combined with a suitable linking word. Some different tenses have been used, but there are very few examples of more advanced grammar.

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