Band score: approximately 6.0
The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The bar chart shows the number of children in two different age groups in an average class in different countries.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph illustrates the number of students on [‘in’] an average class at different ages (9 and 13) in different countries [be more specific – ‘in 4 different countries as well as the global average’].
It is clearly shown in the graph that Hong Kong and Japan had the most [‘highest’] number of students at the age of 9; Hong Kong had 35 number of [delete this] students per class at age 9 [This could have been more succinctly put – ‘Hong Kong had 35 students per class, while Japan had 31.’] while Japan had moreover [this linking word is not appropriate here] 31 number of [delete this] students per class. However, Japan had an increase number of students [delete this – it is repetition] to about 24 but the students in Hong Kong dropped at [‘to’] 31 students per class at the age 13.
The United States and the Global Average [no need for capital letters here – ‘global average’] had an equal number of 23 students per class at the age of 9 but fell by age 13.
Russia, on the other hand [this phrase needs to be surrounded by commas – ‘Russia, on the other hand, had…’] got [this is too informal – ‘had’] the lowest number of students both at age 9 and 13, having only 10 and 9 students per class accordingly.
To summarise, at the age of 9 [comma needed here too] there were more students in Hong Kong [we don’t know that there were more students in the country – only that they had more per class] but as the students reached the age of 13, most of the students [Again, we don’t know that ‘most’ students studied in Japan, only that they had most per class] were [delete this] studied in Japan.
The main information is given, but there are very few sentences that do not contain errors. There are some inappropriate words as well as some incorrect grammar, and this is reducing the overall score. Some of the data is also incorrect – the number of Japanese students aged 13 did not rise to 24, it rose to 34.
However, the paragraphing is clear and logical.