Good or bad introductions

Read the introductions and select the most appropriate comment from the options that follow.

Essay title:

An increasing number of people are completing their studies overseas.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Candidate’s introduction:

In modern society, many people are finishing their education in a foreign country. There are both positives and negatives to this, although there are clearly more advantages, as will now be explained.

This introduction is not good because it is too long
This introduction is not good because it uses a phrase that has been overused
This introduction is not good because it gives unnecessary history to the title
This introduction is not good because it uses too many words from the title
This introduction is good

Candidate’s introduction:

There is a rising number of people opting to further their education in another country, and although there certainly can be complications with this, the positive effects far outweigh the negatives, as will now be explained.

This introduction is not good because it is too long
This introduction is not good because it uses a phrase that has been overused
This introduction is not good because it gives unnecessary history to the title
This introduction is not good because it uses too many words from the title
This introduction is good

Candidate’s introduction:

The number of people furthering their education in another country has been increasing since the late 1970s, partly because of easier international travel but also because an international education was increasingly sought after by employees.

This introduction is not good because it is too long
This introduction is not good because it uses a phrase that has been overused
This introduction is not good because it gives unnecessary history to the title
This introduction is not good because it uses too many words from the title
This introduction is good

Candidate’s introduction:

There is no doubt that an increasing number of students are finishing their studies overseas, and there are clearly advantages and disadvantages to this, as will now be explained.

This introduction is not good because it is too long
This introduction is not good because it uses a phrase that has been overused
This introduction is not good because it gives unnecessary history to the title
This introduction is not good because it uses too many words from the title
This introduction is good

There is a rising number of people deciding to pursue their education in a foreign country, often opting for English speaking countries or in areas that have become recognised for specific disciplines of education. For example, many students are keen to study business and law in Harvard or Yale, or more artistic subjects in prestigious universities such as Oxford and Cambridge. There are clearly some positive aspects to this overseas study, such as a wider perspective on different cultures, but there are also disadvantages and the student may find their traditional support structures are no longer available to help them through difficulties.

This introduction is not good because it is too long
This introduction is not good because it uses a phrase that has been overused
This introduction is not good because it gives unnecessary history to the title
This introduction is not good because it uses too many words from the title
This introduction is good

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