The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the essay.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in study be motivated to learn?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
There is a significant number of young students who are not motivated enough in thier school studies; however, there are many ways which contribute in ‘to’ making school subjects likeable; a comma here, not a semi colon as the following essay will explain.
First of all ‘Primarily’ would be more academic, it is reasonable to argue that it is teacher's ‘a teacher’s’ or ‘teachers” responsibility to enhance children’s strongest skills; start a new sentence here Moreover ‘For example,’ evaluating and praising students for thier good work or effort could benefit in building thier ‘their’ self-esteem and become ‘helping them become’ more interested in school. A teacher who knows that a particular child might not be as good in math, but very talented in drawing could allow the child to post his drawings on the wall. This could encourage him to help other children as well. This point needs to be developed more – how can it encourage him to help other children?Another point that could be considered is that, depending on the age of children, school and study should be represented as an interpretation of learning and play; Full stop here For instance, young children who are less interested in studies are likely to be more interested in playing. In that way, play would help to impart academic information on those children in unnotable way ‘games could be used to discreetly impact academic information’.
Finally, an additional factor in helping some students to be more interested in their studies is teachers. Educators who have not ‘do not have’ sufficient knowledge about the subject they teach are not likely to encourage those children. It is a fact ‘generally accepted’ – it’s not a fact that an energetic teacher who possesses enough talent will ‘can’ make teaching fun and desirable for most students.
In brief, the three reasons represented above could help greatly in drawing some children’s attention into studying school subjects. Recongising ‘Recognising’ children’s best quality ‘qualities’, enhancing and giving incentives for their contribution in class as well as having professional teachers, could benefit enormously children’s interest in school.
(272 words)
Comments:
There are some spelling errors that have affected the vocabulary level of the essay, but in general it is well written with good paragraphs each with a clear and relevant point. There are some good examples of more advanced sentence structures.
Despite some errors with punctuation (particularly semi-colons), the organisation and presentation are well managed