Now we will look at the second response to the questions from the previous exercise. Read the answer, then see why it is a bad example.
Question:
You lost your wallet which contained a great deal of money and it was found by your friend who posted it back to you.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:
- Express gratitude for their returning of the wallet
- Talk about how the return of the wallet has helped you
- Offer to do something for them in return
Response:
Dear Craig,
I am writing to you regarding the recent return of my wallet. It came as a great surprise to me as I had not anticipated its recovery. I would like to convey my sincere thanks for your assistance with making this a possibility.
I had been looking in various locations in order to recover my lost wallet. I searched throughout my home and also at my workplace. I had assumed it was permanently lost. I was extremely relieved when I found the item had been delivered in the post.
I would very much like to express my gratitude by inviting you to dinner at a location of your choice. Please contact me and confirm whether this proposal would be of interest to you. I will then make appropriate arrangements. I am available any weekend in the coming month.
Once again I offer my thanks and I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely
Derek
Comments:
The response does not cover all aspects of the question:
- Express gratitude for their returning of the wallet – my sincere thanks for your assistance with making this a possibility.
- Talk about how the return of the wallet has helped you – THIS ASPECT IS NOT COVERED IN THE RESPONSE
- Offer to do something for them in return – inviting you to dinner
The register used is not appropriate – it is far too formal for a letter to a friend:
- I am writing to you regarding – I am writing to you about
- I would like to convey my sincere thanks – I just wanted to say thanks!
- confirm whether this proposal would be of interest to you – let me know if you’re keen
The grammar is limited and sentences are short:
Most sentences are overly short and could have been combined with a suitable linking word. Some different tenses have been used, but there are very few examples of more advanced grammar.