Band score: approximately 7.0
Task: Task 2
The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people believe that children spend too much time watching television or playing computer games. They feel that this time could be used more productively.
Do you agree? How do you think children should spend their free time?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Given the current situation this needs to be more clearly explained or removed – what current situation? Better to start ‘Given the advent of new technologies…’ and the advent of new technologies and means of entertainment being available easily, children tend to overdo or get engrossed with ‘get engrossed in and subsequently overdo’ activities that suit them the best. However, the other point of view can also be argued.
In the present scenario of a ‘an’ urban life style ‘lifestyle’ where both member ‘members’ of the family are often working long hours to cope up with the ‘meet their’ financial commitments.
In this situation, a child who is happy to spent ‘spend’ time watching television or playing on a computer leaves the busy parent with more free time, and therefore can ease the angriness ‘tension’ would be more academic that may otherwise develop.
In addition, children always this is too strong – ‘can’ learn useful skills, especially with regards computer use. As information technology is increasedly ‘increasingly’ important in our daily lives and professional lives, the ability to operate digitial devices with easily ‘ease’ is increasingly important and as such is a skill best learned at young ‘at a young’ age.
However, there is arguable ‘it is arguable’ that the child will not develop important social skills, as well as having a horrible too informal for IELTS – ‘poor’ effect on their health, as they spend increasing amounts of time inside. Yet this can be destroyed ‘negated’ somewhat by parents setting time limits on using ‘usage’, and encouraging children to spend at least some time outside in more energetic pursuits or errands.
To conclude this needs to be followed by a comma it is in our too personal – you could say ‘the parents’ hands in directing children’s to the right areas than having to let them choose and criticise them for their actions. Although technology can potentially be overused, it also has a useful place in the developed and entertained ‘development and entertainment’ of young people.
(260 words)
Comments:
This essay is well structured and well presented with a good range of grammar.
However, some of the vocabulary could be more academically presented (‘a horrible effect on health’).
There are repeated errors with the word family used (developed instead of development).