Band score: approximately 5.0
The answer below has been rated based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You recently became a member of your local leisure centre but you are unhappy with the services and facilities.
Write a letter to the Centre Manager. In your letter:
- explain the circumstances
- say why you are dissatisfied
- what action you would like the leisure centre to take
You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Write at least 150 words.
Kindly note, that i [‘I’ (capital letter)] have joined [use only ‘joined’ because you are referring to a past time – last week] your center last week aiming of spending [‘to spend’] my liesure [‘leisure’] time in socializing and creating new friendships.
During my visit to the center yesterday i've [capital ‘I’ and delete ‘ve – again this refers to a past time (yesterday) so the present perfect doesn’t fit] experienced a very awkward situation with one of the center staff, [this would be better as a full stop and starting a new sentence] i [capital ‘I’] was practicing on one of the Gem [‘gym’ (no capital letter plus spelling)] machines where [‘when’] the supervisor approached me and in a very rude way he informed me to stop using the machine and to leave the Gem [‘gym’ (no capital letter plus spelling)] so he can close it but it was 10 minutes before offical closure time. [This sentence is much too long and needs to be broken into smaller sections to be more accurate] when I tried to told [‘tell’] him that I still have [‘had’] 10 minutes according to the Gem [‘gym’ (no capital letter plus spelling)] rules, He [‘he’ – no need for a capital ‘H’] insisted that I should leave at once in the same unacceptable attitude [either ‘with the same unacceptable attitude’ or ‘in the same unacceptable tone’].
That behavior was shock [‘a shock’] to me as he didn’t only broke [‘break’] the Gem [‘gym’ (no capital letter plus spelling)] rules but he was not polite and didn’t follow any business etiquette in communicating with customers.
I think the center should enroll their staffs [‘staff’] in a customer service courses [either ‘in a customer service course‘ or ‘in customer service courses‘] to enhance their abilities in communicating with customers [this is a repetition of the last line from the previous paragraph].
Eric Van Deen
There are repeated issues with spelling (‘Gem’ for gym) and inappropriate use of capital letters.
Some sentences are overly long and the meaning is unclear or irrelevant to the topic. The writer has not used linking words effectively and punctuation is weak.
Grammar errors are common (‘Yesterday I’ve’), and paragraphing is not clear.